Is it Time to Give Up and Become a Hipster?
Getting older Sucks! I know everyone deals with getting older in different ways. I for one am not handling it well. It kinda just sneaks up on you. I’ll be 39 this year and I can’t even fathom the idea. What the Fuck happened? I remember when I thought 30 was old, now I’m closing in on 40! My Back hurts, I hold the menu 3 feet from my face at restaurants and I when I watch TV I’m checking out the Mom; Like Damn I wouldn’t mind hitting up the Pottery Barn with her…
I look and feel middle-aged on the outside but my Bank account and Fridge look like I’m still in college. Nothing screams success like waiting for Ramen Noddle’s to go on sale and finding ten dollars on the ground and calling it “life changing”. If I’m living the Dream, it’s a sad fucking dream.
Maybe I should just grow a beard put on some skinny jeans and ride the D-Bag train to Hipster Town. Then I could say I’m being a loser ironically. Yeah… that sounds perfect. I can get some dark rimmed glasses and find my old Skid Row t-shirts and quote books I don’t understand. But it’s cool, cause I have a flannel on.
Awesome now I have a plan. Let’s get this thing started! First, I need to get a wardrobe that says I might look like a predator and I probably smell but it’s cool cause my shirt say The Smiths. Then I need to decide if I want to work as a condescending barista or in a comic book/music store and tell everyone it’s really only music if it’s on vinyl, even if we all know that is pure bullshit. Finally I’ll grow a beard and talk about it all the time like it’s what makes me a man. It will become my whole identity. Because we all know you don’t have to have a personality if you have a nice big beard.
Just Let Me Rant
Being a Loser in Life never looked or felt so good! Fuck it! I was gonna try and better myself but this sounds way better. Dude, who am I kidding that sounds like a lot of work. I think I’ll just get a giant tub of Ice Cream and watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. Start Dapping and saying YOLO after every bad decision I make.
Let me be a Senior Already
Sometimes I just want to skip Middle Age and fast forward to old age, where my biggest concern is if I had a wet fart or full on dookie in my pants. I could eat dinner at 3pm and tell people to fuck off at the grocery store and no one cares cause I’m old and that’s like a free pass to do anything you want. Now that’s the Dream!
Until then I guess I’ll keep looking for the answers and rant. As for now; I believe there is a gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip with my name on it.
Thanks for Reading,